Because we’re not going through hell to die in sweat pants and sensible shoes.
To prepare your luxury survival bag, you have to get in the right mindset. Envision yourself as a glamorous athlete and battlefield warrior (true). You need a traveling medspa, first aid kit, and emergency go-bag.
First, the actual bag. It has to be large enough to get the essentials in but small and light enough to outrun zombies and/or the police. I like this one, because it’s sleek, sturdy and roomy, with secret compartments for messages from the front lines and also recipes. It is also the perfect size as a carry-on travel bag, gym bag, and weekend (or permanent) escape.
Medspa:
As for our portable medspa, luxury isn’t a reward for after the chaos; it’s our sustenance during battle. We don’t go into the fight with clogged pores (or last week’s eyelashes). Here are the bare necessities: the double face cleanse: (first face cleanse to remove black undereye makeup and smoke, second face cleanse to rinse today’s regret); face mask for deep moisture and to achieve anonymity, and a hairspray to support any birds that may have started a nest. And of course, eyebrow pencil, hair remover, and eyelashes.
First Aid Kit:
Because we’re elite warriors, our first aid kit contains: nail repair kit, heavy concealer, bandaids, heel repair kit with dual-use pliers, a wig, full-body deodorant, waterproof mascara, lipstick – red. Bring the bougie body wash, body scrub, and body oil – because road rash takes its toll; hand cream (blizzard grade); and a tourniquet doubling as a pilates band.
Emergency Go-Bag:
We don’t feel guilty when we end up looking beautiful in a storm, and we don’t apologize for disappearing after a fight. Our survival bag is an emergency oasis where we recover in luxury and suit up for tomorrow in style. Here are the essentials: mirrored sunglasses (for proper reconnaissance) and a hat; a water bottle that doesn’t leak, electrolytes, protein powder, creatine because you need your muscles to break things.
You’ll also need a (moral) compass, kevlar gloves, a Candyland Board Game doubling as a real map, a bougie canteen for cognac and honey, and a coat that doubles as a sleeping bag. Pack the cutest jeans you own; kitten heels (for sprinting); and your favorite scent doubling as bug spray. Also lingerie because we have our dignity.
The high energy snacks you’ll need include rose-scented meringues, Minty Pea and Pecorino Finger Sandwiches, and Caramelized Onions & Gruyere Palmiers. Finally, you’ll need the essential vintage lighter for mood, light, and to burn this place to the ground.